Saturday, 22 March 2014

Top 3 Personalities on the Melbourne Metro

I've spent a fair bit of time commuting by train in Melbourne lately. I always find public transport rather fun, as you're chucked into confined spaces with a random group of diverse strangers. Lately I've seen a few particularly interesting personality motifs repeat themselves again and again, which I'd now like to share.

These are not necessarily the most common or most irritating or most engaging personalities, but the three which have interested me most of late.

#1. The Openly Disgruntled

Stereotype: female, early 30s, dark hair, handbag.

Someone walks in your way for a second. You stop still and pull a face, a HUGE face, to show how absolutely offended you are. No one is looking at you, of course. But no one needs to. It gives you some kind of satisfaction, pitying yourself for your tragic wounds. You give yourself a moment of angry disbelief before moving on with your probably-busy day.

#2. The Jukebox

Stereotype: male, late 20s, sunglasses, jeans.

Those headphones are bigger than your head. And you've turned the sound right up. We're all grooving to your Daft Punk, but you don't know it because you're standing in the corner and staring at the graffiti on the wall like a kid in detention. Are your ears okay? We're all a bit worried for you.

#3. The Old And Nimble

Stereotype: male, early 70s, grey hair, walking stick, old.

You are quite old. You have a bit of a limp. Your back is heavily arched. We give you a bit of way to get through, but we don't need to. Woah, look at you go. You're overtaking everyone. You're practically pushing teenagers onto the train tracks. Are you really old or is that all just make up and acting? Well, I guess we'll never know 'cause you're yonks away already.

Mmm. People are entertaining. More people soon maybe!

Yours disgustedly,